Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Life is like a box of chocolates

Is life really like a box of chocolates? Perhaps, but I'm sure there are other better analogies we could use.

Nevertheless, what's really interesting about life is that there are more than a gazillion ways we could look at it and every view is absolutely correct... at least for the person holding that view.

That would lead philosophers to ask the profound question whether there are absolute truths. Is 1+1 absolutely 2, or are there other possible answers? Is prosperity always a positive value? Or is love real?

Since this is just a blog, I leave you to answer those questions yourself... :-)

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Be real

When it comes to Shakespeare, I must admit that I'm not much of a fan. Indeed, I'm in an abyss when it comes to classic literature.

Anyway, despite my "literary tendencies" I have always found this particular quote from Shakespeare particularly profound and enlightening:

"This above all: to thineself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."

This message really struck home one morning whilst I was getting ready for work.

After I adjusted my tie, I remembered that I have not said my prayers for the day.

In the usual mode of haste, I simply kneeled down to pray without realising my music was still playing in the background. Upon realising that, for a brief moment, I just wanted to recite my usual prayers and rush out the door.

Then I paused and told myself, "Look, is anything on this earth more important than God? Isn't He important enough for you to take 2 seconds to turn off the music and give a few moments of your undivided attention? Even if someone is out there waiting for you, isn't it better to let him wait than let God wait?"

With that thought, I got up and switched off my music. I knelt down again, took a few deep breathes and cleared my mind before turning my attention towards God.

Integrity is a value that is of utmost importance to me. And on that morning I realised that simply by being real we can practise integrity in our daily lives.

Whatever we conceive God to be, if we can't be real when we spend a few brief moments with Him, what will we be like when we spend time with others?

Whatever our values are, if we are not true to ourselves, will we be true to our loved ones and the people we meet everyday?

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Feedback (Part II)

I believe that having the right attitude when it comes to receiving feedback is critical. Not only so that we know what others think or feel about us, but how we can receive that feedback to both benefit ourselves and the person giving us that feedback.

For myself, I know that I can be quite sensitive about other people commenting about me, or even something I said or did. So, the first step, as far as I am concerned, is to remind myself not to take things too personally when receiving feedback.

The second mental note to make when receiving feedback is to remember that everybody views things differently, and that the map is not the terrain - no matter who's map is in question. Moreover, not everyone has the same kind of tact when it comes to giving feedback.

Third - this step is critical - try to understand where the person giving the feedback is coming from. If necessary, ask them why they see, think or feel that way. More importantly, what is their concern?

Lastly, ask yourself rationally and objectively (as far as we can be), whether we can address the concern(s) raised by that person in a win-win manner. If not, take some time off, mull over it, and try to come up with a win-win solution. In other words, be proactive about it.

If you feel that you can't come up with a win-win deal, before we dismiss the situation as a "no deal", ask the other person to suggest alternative solutions. Who knows, maybe he or she can come up with some great idea(s).




Friday, August 13, 2004

SMS

Something Missing Syndrome.

That's what I call the disease that everyone's afflicted with. Well, almost everyone.

Just as SMSes are so prevalent these days, I find that a great many people are struck with this other kind of SMS that cripples them.

As one speaker at a talk once said, "even if we gave you free money tonight, you would not know how to take it." Believe it or not, I saw it happen.

So, what's the problem? Hmmm, it's not easy to describe.

I reckon it's got a lot to do with the social values these days... and the corollary of lack of self-awareness. And awareness of one's surroundings, too.

From a cosmic/philosophical vantage point, this is not a new phenomenon. People, since ground zero - even before the term was coined - already had the delusion that happiness comes from "out there", or some such notion that clouds their minds from reality.

Thus, believing that they can only achieve happiness by pursuing this that or other, they end up chasing some cosmic tail, which is even more difficult than chasing one's own tail.

In the end, people just see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear, and all they know is what they have seen and heard. And so, not knowing very much, not thinking very much - accepting secondhand opinions as the truth - people get caught up in a vicious cycle that is a spiral down to either depression, disaster or more delusion.

This may sound harsh... It's just that day in, day out, I see people either ignoring or refusing to contemplate the possibility of a different way of seeing things, doing things - even if it helps them alleviate some of their pain... the pain caused by that Something Missing Syndrome.

The answer? I don't pretend to be a Zen Master, or even close to resembling the toenail of one, but I guess my previous post does provide an answer, albeit in an obscure fashion.

As one commenter noted, "What kind of story is this?" Well, precisely the point of the Zen Master... If only we had enough attention - or awareness - to what is actually happening around us AND ALSO within us, then we will naturally know what we need to do to transcend our current condition.

Alas, social values today places a great premium on fast, big, flashy whatever. That kind of "philosopy", we've heard of - I call it the "material imperative". Along with that, we now have the notion that urgency is most important, not importance itself. Tell me, can you tell the difference between urgent and important?

Well, luckily for us, there are actually people out there who can tell us the difference between what's important and what's urgent (and not necessarily important). Like old times when humanity had sages to tell men and women how to transcend the human condition, there are personal development and success gurus that can point us in the right direction (at least in terms of being effective and dealing with stress).

Putting aside the skeptics and the cynics, let's trudge on on this path. Indeed, because of our distorted social values, we have what seems to be unlikely sages that have come to tell us of how foolish we are and how we can regain control of our lives - salvation - and free ourselves from the shackles of materialism and ignorance.

Sounds far-fetched? Well, think back for a while... In their own times, all the great teachers were ahead of their time - Socrates, Lao Tze, Moses, Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad...

Let me just end on a more optimistic note. We have had many ages... the Ice Age, the Dark Ages, the Age of Reason, the Information Age... well, perhaps the Age of Wisdom is just round the corner...

You may think this is airy-fairy stuff... fair enough, it may be. I'd rather have a positive airy-fairy outlook on life, than one filled with SMSes.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

I've got a favourite Zen story. It goes like this:

"One day a man of the people said to Zen Master Ikkyu: 'Master, will you write for me some maxims of the highest wisdom?' Ikkyu immediately took his brush and wrote the word 'Attention'. 'Is that all?' asked the man. 'Will you not add something more?' Ikkyu then wrote twice running: 'Attention. Attention.' 'Well,' remarked the man rather irritably, 'I really don't see much depth or subtlety in what you have just written.' Then Ikkyu wrote the same word three times running: 'Attention. Attention. Attention.' Half-angered, the man demanded: 'What does that word 'attention' mean anyway?' And Ikkyu answered gently: 'Attention means attention.'"

Well, after we have mastered Zen Master Ikkyu's lesson, I believe we ought to master the next - making decisions... attentively.


Monday, August 09, 2004

Post from Mindless In Malaysia (& a friend's comment)

This is an old post, but the personal lesson is important enough to repost it here.

Moreover, a friend reminded me of another important lesson that I have forgotten.

Original Post:

Friday, May 28, 2004

Busyness revisited & stress

Hmmm, where shall I start...?

Yesterday was a weird day. Weird in the sense that I've never quite encountered anything like it before.

The day started out pretty ordinary, apart from the fact that I was "up" even without having my customary cup of coffee.

As I zoomed through the day - fully aware that I was in a zippidee-doodah kinda mood - I realised that although there were piles of work on my table and on the floor (in my Dilbert-like cubicle), I was unfazed by how hectic the day was.

Indeed, I had the "coolness" to SMS my better half and ask how her day has been so far.

Then, in the evening, I had to face a matter that I've sort of been avoiding all day. Despite the fact that it was just one single matter, it bugged the hell out of me. It took hours of agony to "resolve" the matter, and I still had to do some work on it this morning.

This morning, feeling a bit better after a relatively good night's sleep, I realised something else. Something that deserves an eureka!

Actually, I realised a few things:

(1) Busyness does not bother me; ie. being loaded with lots of work does not stress me out.

(2) What stresses me out is when I feel like I've lost control of the situation - when I don't know what I'm supposed to do in any given situation.

(3) The best solution for stress is to avoid getting myself into stressful situations in the first place.

(4) And if I find myself in a stressful situation, whether I like it or not, I should weather it because it's only a temporary situation (this point was shared with me by a good friend).

(5) Last but not least, to handle a stressful situation, I should try to get more time to do whatever I'm supposed to do and/or seek help from someone who can handle the situation (also my good friend's advice, which I forgot last night).

Nothing monumental, but definitely a step towards better self-understanding.

# posted by Malaysian X @ 2:54 AM

Comments:

you have forgotten, haven't you? on David Allen's three reasons of getting stress...a. you don't know or have not defined the outcome yetb. you have not figured out the next actionsc. you have not written it down in a reliable organizing system.your friend, CT.

# posted by Calvin's Tiger : 8:57 AM

Feedback (Part I)

I just realised, whilst washing some mugs this morning, that one of my main weaknesses has to do with feedback - both in giving and receiving them.

Because of my personality type (an introvert), I tend to ruminate upon things and seldom share my thoughts and feelings about those things unless I am with "good" company.

Thus, with my tendency to mull things over internally - especially negative things - I could either end up very frustrated with how things are or express my disappointment, and anger even, when things come to a head.

Obviously, neither of these options are good in themselves. Well, the only good in them is that they've made me realise that there is a way to avoid such situations; and that is the art of giving (and receiving) feedback.

For those who are familiar with the 7 Habits, the art of giving feedback is nothing new.

It is simply realising that all of us are subjective - that the map is not the terrain - and that whatever others say or do they have their own valid reasons for saying or doing so.

Thus, our feedback ought to be given whilst acknowledging that it is our own subjective perception, and also understanding the other person's reasons for saying or doing whatever it is they have said or done.

In practical terms, we should always begin the feedback with an "I-statement" and not a "you-statement". For example, "I have a concern about..." or "in my opinion..."

In other words, the other person should not be objectified by statements like "you are so incompetent" or "you are so selfish".

When we give feedback from our own perspective whilst acknowledging the other person's reasons or point of view, we are actually acknowledging their humanity and the worth of their reasoning. Thus, we reinforce their respect for what we have to say about the matter at hand.

Even if we said "I disagree with you", it is still better than saying "you are wrong", because the former acknowledges the other person's opinion whilst disagreeing with it, and the latter basically turns the other person into an object that is simply "wrong".

After we realise that there is an art to giving feedback, we must master it. And whilst we are mastering it, we must realise also that there is an art to receiving feedback. This, I will cover in my next blog.

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Simplicity and scepticism

I often come across people who are either sceptical or simply couldn't be bothered with concepts and techniques in the broad and varied fields of personal development and management.

Admittedly, there are some bogus gurus in these fields, and there isn't very much that is entirely original. However, that does not detract from the fact that most, if not all, of these concepts and techniques actually work in real life.

(I actually hesitate to use the term "techniques" because it denotes that the practice is merely superficial, and does not go to the core of the person practising the techniques. However, all the major writers that I have read in the fields of personal development and management have stressed the importance of integrity, and some even spirituality.)

Anyway, coming to the point of this post: sometimes because of scepticism people ignore sound advice, and at other times the simplicity of solutions makes people incredulous.

That is rather unfortunate because I see a lot of ignorance and incompetence that could be overcome by simply trying to apply some lessons given by these personal development gurus.

And the saddest of all is that many people who have good or even noble intentions do not achieve their goals or realise their dreams in life because they do not bother to acquire the tools or develop the skills needed to succeed in whatever they set out to do.

I do not pretend to have mastered self-development -- I do not believe anyone can ever do that completely -- but I have realised how critical it is to DECIDE and ACT on that decision to develop ourselves everyday.